Beyond the Gender Binary

Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon
Published by Penguin on June 2, 2020
Genres: Biography & Autobiography, LGBTQ, Social Activists, Transgender
Pages: 64
Format: Paperback
five-stars

Beyond the Gender Binary, by Alok Vaid-Menon, is an essential and informative book that can easily be read in one sitting. The 64-page book is published by the Pocket Change Collection, which puts out concise books that propose solutions to create needed change in our communities. Alok Vaid-Menon is a gender non-conforming writer who eloquently explains how our society lives under a fabricated gender binary that is harmful to gender non-conforming people.

The first half of the book covers Alok Vaid-Menon’s experiences with accepting their gender non-conforming identity. The second half of the story features rebuttals to common dismissals and arguments used by people who refuse to acknowledge gender non-conforming people. Vaid-Menon’s writing is so clear and logical, and their wording is perfection! They poke holes in the “gender binary” fallacy that our society constructs and upholds. I want to include some of my favorite quotes. There are quotable lines from every page in this book, so selecting my favorites was challenging.

“How are you supposed to be believed about the harm you experience when people don’t even believe that you exist?” (p. 17)

“I learned about gender through shame. In so many ways they became inseparable for me.” (p. 19)

These two quotes make me so sad.

“I remember the first day I wore a dress in public. I was twenty years old, but I had never felt more giddy and carefree when I walked out of my front door. I stopped thinking about my body and focused on the things around me. It felt like a reunification of my mind, my body, and my spirit—for the first time in a long time, I was able to be completely present with myself and the world. I had so much more energy and motivation. There was a quiet there, a sense of peace in my body, which had for so long been full of anxiety.” (p. 25)

I haven’t had the experience of feeling or being gender non-conforming. But this quote is the closest I’ve gotten to understand how damaging the gender binary is to trans or gender non-conforming people.

“That’s the thing about being an LGBTQIA+ kid—you often don’t have the luxury to come into yourself on your own terms because other people have made up their minds for you.” (p. 23)

I relate to this. Growing up as a boy I learned what things I was supposed to like.  Any interests that could be labelled as gay or feminine I had to hide or suppress. Even now in my late 20’s I am learning to be comfortable enjoying the music, books, and movies that I actually enjoy.

“We divide billions of people into one of two categories and tell them that this is the way things are. We emphasize and exaggerate the differences between these categories and minimize the differences that exist within them. We forget that there is more variety within the categories of women and men than between them. We forget the ways in which we once deviated from the norm. We forget that humans have never perfectly aligned with these norms.” (p. 31)

This quote really opened my eyes to how absurd the gender binary is.

“Using gender neutral language isn’t about being politically correct, it’s just being correct.” (p. 47)

Yes! I wish more people understood this.

“They used to define sex as what was reflected on an individual’s birth certificate. Once that was changeable, they made the definition our genitalia. Once we could change those, the definition switched to chromosomes. Now that there is increasing evidence that chromosomes do not always necessarily align with sex, they are suggesting genetic testing. This is not about science—this is about targeted prejudice.” (p. 51)

We’re now in a time where high school athletes will have to undergo genetic testing to define their sex. We are living in a dystopian novel.

This book should be read by everyone. It is a great gift for anyone with an open mind or willing to learn about gender non-conforming people. The rebuttal section has inspired me with so many excellent counterpoints for the next time someone says something inaccurate or harmful concerning gender. Reading this book makes me hopeful for a future where a child’s toys are not selected based on gender, pronouns are used correctly, and gender reveal parties don’t exist.

five-stars

Yours Cruelly, Elvira: Memoirs of the Mistress of the Dark

Yours Cruelly, Elvira by Cassandra Peterson
Published by Hachette Books on September 21, 2021
Genres: Biography & Autobiography, Comedy, Film, Horror, LGBTQ, Memoir
Pages: 272
five-stars

“How’s your head?” “I haven’t had any complaints yet”.

This is one of the many hilarious quotable lines spoken by the legendary Cassandra Peterson, better known as Elvira. I’ve always known who Elvira was, but other than associating her with horror and sex I honestly did not know much about her. Upon seeing many positive reactions for her newly released memoir and after watching her wonderfully campy film, Elvira Mistress of the Dark, my interest was piqued. I made my first book purchase request at the library and was thrilled when a copy of Elvira’s memoir was ready for me to pick up a few weeks later (reminder to take advantage of your local libraries). Elvira is a queer icon. She embraces spooky weirdness, has great wit, and is resilient as hell.

Yours Cruelly covers Cassandra’s story from childbirth in Manhattan, Colorado up until present day. When she was 18 months old Cassandra was badly burned from a pot of boiling water, leaving her covered with scars. Cassandra was embarrassed of the scars and felt like a misfit, which drew her to all things spooky and weird. Most of her childhood took place in Colorado Springs, Colorado. As a teenager, Cassandra was obsessed with music, which led to some hilarious encounters while stalking famous musicians. Immediately after completing high school, she became a show girl in Las Vegas, eventually travelling to perform in Italy. Cassandra then relentlessly pursued a career in acting, hoping to land her first major role. Eventually Cassandra was offered a job, hosting horror movies on television.  Thus, Elvira was born. Elvira became a household name, mainly by straight men.  Eventually Cassandra’s sultry, spooky character was featured in two films. The later parts of the memoir describe Elvira’s experiences with motherhood, living in an actual haunted house, and her first marriage, which led to divorce. Elvira then finds love with her current partner of sixteen years, T, a woman. This book is Elvira’s coming out to the world.

I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir. Elvira is extremely witty and a great storyteller. Her stories feature plenty of shocks, including many famous names. On top of that, Elvira is one tough cookie. She never gave up on her Hollywood dreams, even when in trying times. I believe this book would be inspiring for anyone pursuing an unconventional career. While the book is full of humor, there are some sad, heartbreaking moments as well. Cassandra was raised by an abusive mother and endured multiple sexual assaults and a verbally abusive marriage. Yet she never lost her plucky, go-getter attitude. Even before coming out, Elvira had close ties with the gay community.  She was inspired by drag queens while working as a go-go dancer in high school and toured with The Groundlings, a gay, male comedy troupe throughout the US. Elvira was hesitant to come out earlier because she feared losing support from straight men, who make up a large portion of her fanbase. But I believe Elvira won’t ever struggle for lack of fans. The LGBTQ community will celebrate Elvira for the icon she is, especially with her brand of campy humor and love of Halloween.

Normally I am not a fan of celebrity memoirs, but Yours Cruelly is truly special. Few books can make me laugh aloud, but Cassandra succeeded several times in her memoir. Hopefully this book will kickstart a new era in Elvira’s career. I am here for any future movies, tv shows or books!

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault 

five-stars

All Boys Aren’t Blue

All Boys Aren't Blue by George M. Johnson
on April 28, 2020
Genres: Biography & Autobiography, LGBTQ, Memoir, Young Adult, Young Adult Nonfiction
Pages: 320
four-half-stars

Early on in All Boys Aren’t Blue George M. Johnson quotes Toni Morrison. “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it”. George meets Morrison’s challenge in All Boys Aren’t Blue, a memoir-manifesto written for young adults. Black queer boys have always been present, but their stories are rarely shared in media. Johnson shares events from his childhood through his time at the historically black college, Virginia Union University. The stories are told with a focus on his black and queer identity. The manifesto portion of the book comes into play at the end of each chapter, where Johnson uses his lived experiences to offer advice and lessons to his readers. As George grows older, he develops acceptance of his identity and crafts his own version of masculinity.

Readers will experience themes of intersectionality, masculinity, family, coming out, brotherhood, and the loss of loved ones. Johnson shares his early sexual experiences. These are valuable exposures for young queer readers because same-sex intercourse is often intentionally omitted from sex education curricula. A standout figure in Johnson’s work is the delightful Nanny, the grandma every queer child deserves to have. Johnson includes current events and pop culture references throughout the book. Photographs of Johnson alongside family members and friends that are featured in the book make the work more personal. Johnson’s words of advice at the end of each chapter began to feel repetitive the further I got into the book. I would have preferred he did more showing than telling, especially when the lesson of the chapter is obvious after reading the story. But then I remembered this book was intended for an audience much younger than myself, so I believe the style is appropriate.

All Boys Aren’t Blue is an impressive debut for George M. Johnson. While this book is an invaluable read for queer black boys, Johnson’s story deserves attention from everyone.

Trigger Warnings: Sexual Assault, Incest, Death and Dying

four-half-stars